kill

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
(Know what you want to say)
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I should have said it
But tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away


that was 'kill' by jimmy eat world.

well... the past weeks have been really hard. im still recovering, so i dont really even know how i feel yet. im numb to everything.

im looking forward to christmas break. i got my license, so i'll be driving around. mostly to starbucks and the beach (i love watching the sun set). give me a call or message me or something and lets hang out. i'll most likely be needing company.

im also looking forward to my birthday, which is the day after christmas. im having a party that saturday, so that should be fun. you all are invited. let me know if you can come.

im serious about wanting to hang out with you guys. im feeling pretty lonely...

peace

-kevin lee

home...

well i'm back from camp. but i'm sick. i feel like crap. and my parents are making me do school. they wont even give me a little break. ugh...sometimes i feel like running away. but when i think about it, its not practical. i would have nowhere to go. well i have a place to go, but they would find me there very quickly. its probably the first place they'd look. =) i think i'm gonna go to sleep.

today...

well today i pretty much woke up and missed her too badly. couldn't wait any longer. so a friend and i decided to walk to where she works on the beach. which was very far away. since i can't drive (i only have my permit) we had to walk. so we left at around 10. we arrived at the beach at around 1:30, i think. i caught her on her lunch break, so we ate some mexican food. but sadly she her break was short, and she had to go back. but at least i saw her at all. that short 15 minutes was worth the long walk. so then we rode around and hung out for like 4 hours after that. then at 5, our boards and wetsuits arrived. so then we got in the water and surfed for three hours straight. the waves were amazing! the wind died down, so the waves were almost perfect. for pismo. and now i'm exhuasted.

pobs.

---kev---

i'm feeling.....

excited
nervous
happy
lonely
sad
hyper

strange mix of emotions, i know.

i ♥ u

???

what if the only thing that kept us alive turned its back on us?

what if the only thing that kept us hoping turned out to be a fraud?

what if everything we knew to be true, was shattered?

would we keep on living as before?

would we stay bound to our wavering truths?

or would we cut the ropes of bondage and look for something steadfast?

save me!!!!!!!!

ok so im convinced that theres a little girl with long black hair and glowing red eyes living in my attic. every night i hear scratching up there. and sometimes i think i hear walking. mandie and i were gunna go up there last week, but we chickened out...i totally think that shes just living up there. she probbly has a small, torn up bed on which she sleeps during the day. then at night she walks around the attic. and sometimes she probably comes down at stands in our hallway motionless. or sometimes she stands beside my bed and stares at my while i sleep. and i think she falls asleep under my bed sometimes, too. cause i can hear her breathing.

but, this all could be my imagination. you never know.