Amen.

god,

is it too much to ask for a little happiness?

plans...

i'm missing you today.



my weekend was pretty fun. strawberry festival...(the festival itself was lame but my friends there are awesome). tyler, me, phil, and jonny played hardcore music at the church...it was very br00al. i have a bunch of blisters from playing drums and a sore throat from screaming. good stuff. spent the night at phil's with paulo. watched the old narnia movie and buck rogers....haha it was hilarious. went to mcdonalds at least six times....the dollar menu is the best thing known to man.

i'm looking forward to the summer....some things i'll be doing during the summer:

-band practices every day.
-playing shows with my band.
-going to shows. (starting this saturday...As Blood Runs Black, Suicide Silence.)
-playing Oblivion.
-hanging out in the village with my homes.
-getting new friends.
-re-start a relationship. (hopefully)
ummmm ya there's more but we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

yo if you're ever bored, give me a call and lets hang out =)


-kevinlee

rollercoaster.

well guys, i'm gonna do it. i'm gonna make the call. i dont know what it will fix, but i'm willing to give it a try. i'm done. i have to try something.


my band purchased a sound system. we're going to make payments on it, because we're all really poor. but its good system, i'm stoked. i cant wait to start practices again.

i went to a show last night. See The Light was there, and they were awesome. the other bands were alright, the Linden Murder, Walking Plague, Ride From a Stranger... walking plague really sucked though. it was just noise.


also, due to my emotional ups and downs, dont take my blog too seriously. because i'll probably just change my mind about the matter the next day. =)

i love you all.

-kevinlee

i left you a message under the pier.

i went to pismo beach yesterday. i hadn't been there in a really long time. it was nice...really warm. i brought my fisheye and took some cool pictures under the pier and stuff. i didn't go surfing or anything. just walked around. i really don't surf anymore. strange, i used to enjoy it.

there have been so many good times at that beach. i found myself thinking of those times yesterday and wishing that they were now and here to stay. but things are different now, thanks to me. its just so ironic.

why didn't you want me to teach you? you know i wanted you to learn so we could enjoy (what used to be) my favorite passtime together. well that opportunity is long gone.

by the time this is over, i'll be too tattered to even attempt to re-start. and i wouldn't do that to you anyways. maybe when my life is on track we can try again.

-kevinlee

everywhere, an ocean.

well i did it. i spoke my fears. but i'm not sure if where i am as a result, is better. part of me just want the medicine that will take it away. the other part wants to recover in a different way. i don't know what to think.


it will be a long time before i'm ready for a relationship again.


my bed is an ocean without you here. i can finally spread my arms, but i drown every night.

-kevinlee

if seeing is believing, then i believe i have lost my eyes.

i'm drawing your mind, the image is not what it thought it was going to be. 

question mark.

this weekend:

spent the night at phils with ethan and paulo, went to ampm at midnight for crumble doughnuts, went to an abandoned house to break stuff. 

got a full tank of gas in my car for the first time in many many months, ate at quiznos, watched movies with my bro.

don't ask me how i'm doing anymore, because my permanent answer is "i don't know".

urp dee durp

she eats at me, she walks away...why this sudden change?

she says to me, "i don't think you see".

well if it was up to me, i think i'd like to be free for once, at least for a day.

every drop that falls, mocks me. i swear they aren't tears...

they're just instruments of yourself.

you're creating a melody upon all my faults.

drowning out the words that could save you and i... i'm drowning in your wake.

what will it take?

you're the rain, you're the rust, and i know that i must head for higher ground.

you're flooding my mind, you're overflowing my heart.

and i don't know whether to save myself or become lost in you.

i can't help it, i'm a machine set to self-destruct.

my heart breaks free.

hush little one.

i got another job. now i have two. big money. i'm working at hertz rent-a-car. i wash cars all day long. its great fun. also, the new akissforjersey album is sick. muy bien. 

i'm terribly confused. 

father, forgive me (take these lies)

for the way i feel tonight (can't look you in the eyes)

i feel as if my heart would break (don't let it break)

in two (again)

in two (its too late)

into pieces. 

i want to come home

but i'm not sure if now is the time.

an invitation printed on sheep's wool

why can't you just answer?

do you need me or not? make up your mind.

my world is gone.

this is so sickeningly ironic.

amanda-

congratulations. 

weekend.

my weekend: (what i remember of it)

friday.... i did homework until work at 12:30. i finished with that at five and went to bucks with jacob bundren and other cool people. we went to see Callista and then went to applebees. pretty fun night, although i didn't know anyone except jacob. i stayed up until about three that night.

saturday...um saturday i got up at eight and drove to orcutt for band practice. nathan and tyler couldnt make it, so we had kind of a bum practice. i went to tylers house after that with mike and we went to mcdonalds and pissed some lady off because we accidentally stole her food. it was great. then i went to work at five and worked till past nine. ryan came over after that. we spent the night watching hilarious videos on youtube. such as the tourettes guy. great fun. we were up until about three again. we got up at eight to set up chairs for a cinco de mayo celebration thing. phil and i went to get subway...annnd...went to jonny's house and hung out with jonny phil jacquie and sydney for a while. then i went home for an hour and slept for an hour then i went to work at five and i just got off at about nine. 

i'm a little tired. 

tonight was....